What I wish I knew

Almost seven months ago my life was turned upside down. All at once I was hit with motherhood earlier than I expected, a sick baby my own health issues and the lack of preparation for ALL of these things. What I wish I knew then and what I want to tell all new mommy's is that IT GETS EASIER.

For those of you who have read our whole story you know that Max was a preemie that spent the first 30 days of his life in the NICU at Texas Childrens Hospital. At the time I thought this was the most horrible month of my life and now... seven months later I don't even remember most of the time we spent there. What I remember are Max's milestones. The amazing things he accomplished in a short period of time. I hardly remember that I spent 16 hours in un-medicated labor and the pain associated with trying to stop preterm labor. The latter is still in my mind and I would never wish magnesium sulfate on anyone. While these were so horrible at the time, they passed. Life went on and we've all healed. I healed stronger than I was before I started.

The first month home quickly became challenging. In order to bring Max home I was required to feed him every three hours, even if he didn't wake up to eat. This was to get rid of the jaundice that he still had upon his release. This was so hard, we were already so exhausted from just spending a month at the hospital almost round the clock. We went home many of the nights but more often then not we stayed at the Ronald McDonald house that was provided for the parents of preemies. So bringing him home we were thrust into this schedule that was just so difficult. But just like a rough labor and c-section combined with a sick newborn that too passed. I wish I knew how much better life was going to get... I never had postpartum depression but I did have the baby blues. Just so you know.. It's okay to cry. It's okay to not be the perfect mommy. Every mom has those moments in which you just want to pull your hair out, stomp your feet and just boo hoo. Those who claim they don't are probably lying.

My kid is perfect. HAHAHA.. He's actually far from perfect but to me is the end all be all perfect little boy. However perfection comes in the form of the child that you practically have to force to eat, force to sleep in his own bed and pretty much force to do anything he doesn't want to do. I love that my child has a mind of his own but sometimes it's more than I can deal with. Earlier this evening (Halloween) Max was fussy, didn't want a costume on and pretty much just wanted to be held. It was hard, I will be honest and say I'm not used to meltdowns. Now that he's getting so independent, meltdowns have happened at least once a week. I don't know if this is going to pass but based on past experiences, I'm really hoping so.

Maternal instincts should not be mistaken for knowing exactly how to be a mom and how to be perfect all the time. There is no such thing as a perfect mom. The key is to be as loving and nurturing as you can be while remembering that you are raising a person who should be able to be themselves. I don't want Max to be a mini-Brittney or mini-Chris. I want him to have his own thoughts and own ideas. I wish I knew the kind of person Max was going to be.. All I know is that I want to do the best job possible.