Its On

So the wild rumpus has definitely started. Everyone tells you how hard having a baby is going to be... but until you're there you really can't fathom the reality of the situation. Now that I'm living with an infant I've realized just how much my life has changed... It'll probably be awhile until I enjoy a hot meal again. My showers are limited to five minutes and reading now consists of Dr. Seuss, Maurice Sendak and Shel Silverstein. In other words.. It's on.

However being a mom has taken me away from another huge goal. Aside from being an amazing mom, more than anything I want is to be healthy. Not just healthy but I want a banging body. Saying it sounds so vain and superficial but I know that I'm not ugly. But seriously.. being overweight simply isn't attractive.I want to be healthy and attractive. Simply put.. I want to wear a size six.

So how do I do this? I think the easiest (not to be confused with quickest) and healthiest is going to be Weight Watchers. It's a plan that you can follow for the rest of your life but it also provides accountability. I also want to start taking Max on walks and jobs when my niece starts back to daycare. Right now it's a little hot but I think in the evenings we can do it.

Vanity may be a part of the reason that I feel this way but I truly want to be healthy for my son. As I said in my last post I feel like it's hypocritical to urge your children to be one way while not practicing what you preach. I don't want Max to ever feel the pain of being teased for his size. It's not funny and the pain lasts. I know. It's happened to me my whole life. It's not the words that were said to me that hurt so much. Looking back it's much deeper than just words. I realize now that what hurt so much was that another human being could be so hurtful over a person's size. I got many painful words said to me even when I was at my thinnest. No mother would ever want that for their child. I know my parents don't want that for me.

I want my son to be proud of how far his mother has come and the obstacles he's overcome. Max is going to be built like his daddy. Tall and lanky. But it doesn't mean he's automatically healthy. I really want Max to start healthy and stay healthy. Corny as that sounds... actually it's really corny... It's the label on his formula. Small sidetrack right quick.. I read an article today saying that kids that were supplemented with baby formula in the first 15 days of their life were almost guaranteed not to have a cows milk allergy! Thats good news for formula feeding mommas!

As of right now I'm not to concerned with Max being overweight. He's actually still underweight and probably won't catch up for another three or four months... I really hope that I can catch him up and then let him maintain an average size. That kid is so amazing and theres nothing I wouldn't do for him.

100 degrees

I look at my son everyday and think.. I made that. That amazing little miracle used to live INSIDE of me. How weird is that? You can spout all you want about the miracle of life and a womans work all day long. A living thing inside of you is weird. When I was pregnant I tended to refer to the baby as my little parasite... Not very appealing but definitely an accurate term. Now that he's an outside baby I just can't get over how perfect he is. Sure he spits up.. He has especially good aim when I'm wearing black. He's actually pooped, pee'd and puked on me over the course of a one hour period but for some reason it doesn't matter. That kid pretty much defines me. He and my husband have given me everything I've wanted out life and then some. And then there's the but....


I still want to finish my degree. College has been six years in the making.. Five if you count all the semesters I've taken off and I'm still at least a year out from finishing. I really feel disappointed in myself for not finishing sooner. I want to be able to do everything and show Max that anything is possible. Yet somehow I'm starting to think that maybe I got it wrong. Maybe you can't have everything. There has to be a little give somewhere. Do I give and let my kid go to daycare so I can finish my degree? Do I put my college career on hold for a couple of years and then go back? Should i just finish online with a degree I don't really want? These are all questions that I really don't know the answer to. Not going back is simply not an option. Now finishing is just something that I just can't seem to grasp. Other people finish.. Why not me? I don't want Max in daycare.. and to be honest it's a huge expense on top of tuition. So it seems that I'm either going to have to go to school online or change what I want to do... and then theres the other but...


I have no clue what I want to do. I know what I don't want to do. In fact I can name more careers that I don't want than careers that I'd be okay with. This seems to be a problem. I know I need to grow up. In fact I'm about 90% grown up.. but I still need to get that brass ring. I want to cross that stage, hear my name and frame that degree. Why is it so hard for me?

I used to think that I'd go to law school. Now that doesn't seem feasible. I don't even want to be that kind of working mom. Then I thought i'd teach.. but I'm not sure that's for me either.. although the summers and vacations off would be sweet. I need to figure out a future and do it pretty quick. Otherwise I'm going to be another person who settled for her MRS degree. Theres a 100 different options... I just need to figure it out.

I know I can't do everything but apart of becoming a mommy is providing a path for you kids. I don't want my childrens path not to include college. It's pretty hypocritical to expect something out of someone that you haven't achieved yourself.